stay on my side tonight.

there's a line to a song i love by jimmy eat world that says "i'd rather live my life in regret, than do this." i love that line. i'm sitting in my room in an oversize sweater that makes me feel like a child, fiddling my toes with each other, in a room i keep getting messy, wide awake at 12 am. an old man in line in front of me at a coffee shop tonight gave me not one but two cards worth a free coffee, punch cards, and when i asked him if he was sure, he smiled and said "i'm someone's daddy, and you're someone's little girl." it was wonderful. some of me things it was the ridiculously oversize sweater and pathetic little face surrounded by my ridiculous curly hair, but it was such a sweet gesture of love. people make us miserable sometimes. but they're all we've got.
i've started sing song. it's my first time. the practices are simply much too long and i had to pay a dollar for being three minutes late, but i hear it's worth it. that the one weekend makes the five weeks of practice worth it, and i won't regret it. i do regret the little bit of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream i splurged on last night. i've felt bloated all day. i wish i hadn't voiced my fairly moderate opinion earlier today. most of the time people just don't appreciate opinion. we would much rather think over our own. it's funny how opinionated even the mildest of people are. the only difference is how much we vocalize it.
figuring out when to do that is an interesting experience. i see so much of myself in thinking before i speak. who would have thought. this bit of wisdom is overlooked and underrated, like some antiquated tripe that doesn't fit in the real world. it does though. it helps make the world your own.
i wish i had a cat to sleep with me. i wonder if life really is about choosing between regret for action or for inaction. and hindsight is not twenty-twenty. it's often just a different perspective on the same right or wrong choice, not necessarily more clarity. the last line is "lie. lie, better next time. stay on my side tonight." we all need an ally. a compadre. a cat. a body pillow. a song that helps us fall asleep. sometimes we need a lie. sometimes we just need to lie down and really sleep. without having to work at it. maybe having a bed frame again will help.