Today I read this poem by E.E. Cummings and fell in love with it again. I won't say ALL OVER AGAIN because that would be pretentious and misleading. I did read it aloud after reading it again to myself, so that Branson could share in it with me but, alas, his response was far from ideal and indicated very little absorption of the beauty that this reading was. I was out at a lovely wine cellar patio with three friends from work last night and we were discussing the meaning of marriage and the realization that your life is not your own.
I shared that, if there was anything I would visualize myself changing about Branson (and yes, I know how much all of you would have to say about that statement alone, but keep it to yourself), it would be to turn him into a globetrotting journalist who wanted to see and live the adventures that I want to see and live-in refugee camps, sites of rebuilding in genocidal aftermaths and schools for children born into brothels (check out the movie). Lucky for me, I married Branson. He is the man who never thought that these things were his idea of a good time, but now I believe he wants to do whatever he can to make them happen for me, as long as he gets to come along. It isn't easy and it certainly isn't natural. What is natural? It is not being alone, or free love or multiple loves. I know most would agree that selfishness is natural. I am coming to believe, though, that sacrifice is natural. There is a selfishness to love that compels sacrifice. It is fulfilling and safe and thrilling. It is the realization that you would rather die than lose this person, not because you consider them bigger or more important than your self, but because they are your self in a beautiful way. You selfishly love them in a way that helps you reach your highest core and true ideals in a different way than you would have otherwise. So I am better off for being completely with the man that Branson is. I love learning from him-patience, openness and kindness. I know I could not do the work I do with the spirit I have, unless he were there with the support and encouragement that my heavy heart needs in order to stay in place.
Our life is in a tiny box, hectic and cluttered with mysterious fruit flies in a world without fruit. I am making him lunches in a Wizard of Oz tin lunchbox. I am loving this more than I ever thought imaginable. I have words around me. I have trees around me. I have the world around me. And I will look it in the eye, kiss it, wink and say "you had it comin'".
K
1 comment:
You have an amazing mind, an amazing heart, and an amazing way wih words. I, too, appreciate the ways in which you and Branson complete and enrich one another. Your understanding of the complexities of marriage will help you to live inside the box and discover the adventures that await you outside the box <3
Post a Comment