giving your body to the lonely

i wonder what it would be like to live a martyr's life. not the fatal kind of martyrdom. the living kind. that's what this sufjan song is about.

christ. not me.

giving up everything. to be alone with me. when i can't sleep. when i don't pray. he went up on a tree. i used to climb trees. you don't need grace when youre a child. but i'm graceless. and not a child. and all the trees are too small.

but i used to hide in them. not that they were crosses obviously. but he was with me.

i'll never know the man who loved me. who loves me. i'd give anything to have grown up with him. to climb cypress trees or whatever they have in israel. to eat locusts because i was in a desert, to keep him company, while he fasted. instead of a dare. he is real. and is always alone with me.

that's what the song's about mom.

and how far we are from giving all of our being to be alone with another. for their sake. or the world's.